I started calling myself and my sista friends “Queen” two years ago.  It was a declaration of value.  An affirmation. An acknowledgement that we are special and worthy.

I think every woman is special in her own right.  But, can we be real?  Is every woman worthy to be called “Queen”?  Let’s be honest.  Some women can be messy, irresponsible, rude…The list goes on.  You may even be one of these women.  It’s hard to admit to yourself but believe me – other folk see it.

Here are five traits of a true Queen, so you’ll know her when you see her and if you’re not her – You can become her.

#1.  RESPECT – A true Queen respects herself and others.  Courtesy and manners.  It’s not rocket science.  The respect you’d like to receive should be given to others.  THE TEST: Your sista friend says she’ll pick you up for dinner at 5pm. Do you prepare to be on time? Or, is she usually left waiting?  Your friend may not say anything, but she ain’t happy.  QUEEN BEHAVIOR: Your time is important, but so is everyone else’s. A Queen is always gracious.

#2.  MONEY – You don’t need a lot of money to be a Queen.  However, a Queen knows how to handle money.  Live within your means. Pay your bills. Build your credit. You don’t need to impress anyone with material things.  You are the object of value.  THE TEST: Your sista friends are going to brunch.  You just paid the rent and your funds are low.  Do you tell them to enjoy without you and wait for next time? Or, do you ask them to pay for you?  QUEEN BEHAVIOR: A Queen is never an unnecessary burden. You can’t do everything and go everywhere.  And that’s fine. There will be other brunches.

#3. CONFIDENCE – Someone is prettier than you.  Smarter than you. Has more money than you.  But they are not YOU.  You don’t have their gifts, but guess what?  They don’t have yours either.  Find the thing you love about yourself and build on it.  Confidence is attractive.   THE TEST: Everyone is complimenting ‘Michelle’ on how beautiful she looks today.  No one has said a word about your new hairdo.  Do you clear your throat and take the spotlight? Or, do you give ‘Michelle’ her props and keep it moving? QUEEN BEHAVIOR: Confidence is silent.  Confidence is knowing your hair is fire whether anyone compliments it or not.  Why? Because YOU like it.  

#4. JOY – Queens have joy.  You may not always be happy, but you live a joyful life.  Find your purpose. Cultivate your soul. Let your spirit soar!  A joyful Queen is radiant.  When she walks in a room, the atmosphere changes. THE TEST: You had a bad day.  Nothing went as planned. You lost your keys. You missed the train. Dented the car. The kids are wildin’ out.  Do you have an attitude all day?  QUEEN BEHAVIOR: Joy is constant. Good. Bad. Whatever.  Joy is unreasonable. Joy is bigger than your ego. Joy is not pleasure or satisfaction. Joy is contentment in your spirit. Joy pushes you past discomfort. Joy says, “This too shall pass”.

#5. WISDOM – The quality of having experience, knowledge and good judgement.  A true Queen is wise. Expose yourself to different ideas, cultures and places.  The world is vast.  Wisdom comes from experience.  Experience breeds good judgement, which will enable you to make good decisions.  THE TEST: Your sista friend is expressing an opinion about an experience which you have not had.  Based on your own emotions, you don’t particularly agree with her feelings.  Do you argue your feelings? QUEEN BEHAVIOR: Be humble enough to admit you don’t know everything.  Be open enough to see another point of view.

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