how to survive living with a millennial

My lovely daughter is 22yrs old.  She just graduated from college.  She’s intelligent, beautiful and talented.  I love her a lot…Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way – She drives me crazy!!

She was away at college for 3 ½ years.  Due to Covid-19; she had to come home to complete her degree.  For the past few years, she would come home and go back to school.  I became accustomed to being home alone. Who am I kidding?? I fell in love with being home alone.  😊 Everything remained exactly where I put it.  Everything was clean.  The grocery bill was low.  The light bill was low. My anxiety was low.  Now she’s home for good, or at least until she decides to move out and the lows have now become the highs…. Not in a good way.

Initially, I thought I had done something wrong and somehow failed as a parent.  Why won’t this young adult just do as I say?  After speaking to a few of my fellow millennial parent friends; I discovered I wasn’t alone. These millennials must all be reading the same handbook.  My friends are having the exact same problems as I am.  It’s astounding.  I realized after several months of agony; these young people are very different.  Like REALLY different.  Their value systems are different.  They think differently.  They feel differently.  They’re like aliens.  If you have one living in your home, I know you agree.  FYI: Millennials are between the ages of 22 and 38.

Here are a few adjustments I made within myself to survive the emotional and mental millennial drain.

·        Don’t expect the millennial to change.  If you are to survive; you’ll have to adjust.  Not to accommodate them, but to retain your sanity.

·        Millennials are spoiled.  I’ll admit I helped in the spoiling.  Once the millennial obtains a source of income, you must slowly begin to cut the purse strings.  I started with hair, nails and clothing. I refuse to pay for any of those items.  Last month I stopped paying the cell phone.  You’re not doing them any favors by delaying their responsibility.  This will ease their feelings of entitlement.

·        Allow the millennial to fully express themselves when having discussions/disagreements.  You’ll need to be patient.  I struggle here.  Once they’re done; instead of stating your argument, put it in the form of a question.  This will force the millennial to think and hopefully they will have a better understanding.  (Doesn’t always work 😊 as their brains are wired differently)

·        Set rules and boundaries and make the millennial agree to the terms with consequences.  This is important.  They don’t like to lose.  So, whether it’s house rules, behavior or money - attach a broken rule to the loss of a privilege. 

·        Allow the millennial to be themselves.  That’s if it isn’t a danger to themselves or others.  You will have to love them for who they are.  They resist changing themselves. In my case; I had to adjust to tattoos, piercings and clothing style.

·        Maintain a good sense of humor.  Some things these millennials do will leave you scratching you head. Don’t try to teach a lesson in every event. 

·        You will have to repeat yourself a lot.  Stay calm.  Speak kindly. Ask the millennial if there’s something they didn’t understand about the 50 other times you made the request.  Prepare to repeat again.

·        You’re not crazy.  The millennial will tell you that you are.  Allow yourself some time away from the millennial. 

·        Engage in fun or interesting activities with the millennial.  This will strengthen your bond and encourage tender feelings from the millennial.  Believe it or not; millennials are sensitive. 

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